


I Was Lost Without You

by RevyDutch



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Older Characters, Short, shortfic, unforgivingly filled with mass effect references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-05-07 20:30:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5469920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RevyDutch/pseuds/RevyDutch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lin Beifong never liked hospitals, never took to healing. Yet, she finds herself drawn to them, and to another, but can she really break down those old, hardened, burdened walls?</p><p>Slight AU where Kya decides to stay in Republic City instead of going to the Southern Water Tribe with Korra. Lin's POV.</p><p>(Written for the 2015 Legend of Korra Big Bang/Mini Bang.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. wrote your name in the stars

**Author's Note:**

> IT'S HERE.
> 
> I didn't think i'd be able to write another emotionally charged Kyalin after "You Don't Look At Me In The Dark" but hey, here we are. I was originally going to write this from Kya's perspective, but with the subject matter I just naturally came to write from Lin's, and it was very interesting and tons of fun to write. I hope y'all enjoy, and make sure you have your tissue box handy! :D
> 
> Special Thanks To: Nyczsq for graciously betaing this thing like a day before it was due (and making fantastic edits) and Willoghby for drawing the beautiful artwork accompanying it!
> 
> (also i'm really not sorry for all the mass effect references I am proud trash)

#### \-----

#### chapter 1: wrote your name in the stars

Police officers in Republic City are rather... hostile to hospitals. For a variety of reasons, of course; victims you try so desperately to save die in your arms there. Friends and colleagues you’ve grown to love and trust are shot broken, shells of the brave people they once were. Family, once upon a time, used to take place in these bloodied halls. The former chief was just a tad too careless for two little girls to handle.

You grow up with it though, and silently hate yourself whenever you launch a cable and hope for the best. A stubborn personality shrouded by silent expectations can form a hardened person. It’s something the therapists in this godforsaken building have heard far too many times. Like mother, like daughter, after all.

While there is a truth when saying “police officers” are rather hostile to hospitals, it really is more apt to say that _Lin Beifong_ is rather hostile to hospitals. Yet, here she was, at those cursed doors holding _goddamn flowers_ and a scowl firmly in place. Almost snarling at everyone she walked past, she silently cursed a certain flame-headed private-boy for even sending her here in the first place. 

_“Chief, you grew up with them...” Mako sighed, tired from having had this same old argument for the past few hours. It’d been a slow day around the station, so the poor boy had suggested the Chief visit a few old, injured friends. To be fair, he hadn’t thought she’d be too stubborn to go._

_“For the last time, Mako, we have way too much paperwork to catch up on and there is simply not enough time,” Lin replied, also tired of this argument but too engaged in her work to escape a monotone voice. “If you’re so adamant about someone visiting someone, go spend the afternoon with Korra-”_

_“I live on Air Temple Island!” Mako finally exclaimed, keeping his annoyance restrained for the most part. “I see Korra every day, painfully, mind you, but you haven’t really seen Bumi and Kya in years-”_

_“Look, my ‘friends’ are my business so get out of it if you still want a job!”  Lin snarled, standing up to look him in the eye. Normally, a private like Mako would know his place by now and back off. However, he’d gone through a bit more with the chief than a normal recruit would, and learned how to read her and her bluffs. He stared back at her, crossing his arms and narrowing his eyes into a stand off._

_Eventually, Lin broke. She sat back down in a huff and crossed her own arms, looking away._

_“Alright, fine, I’ll go,” she groaned. She hated when he was right, but he had a point._

“And don’t forget some flowers, Chief!” Lin muttered to herself, mocking Mako as she walked down the halls. She made a mental note to give him only night shifts for the next week; that’d show him to be her voice of reason.

At the closed door of a private room, Lin didn’t know whether to knock or just enter. Then, she started to clench up as scenarios entered her mind. Yes, Bumi and Kya were in there, and it was true that she hadn’t seen them in years, but Tenzin was _also_ in that room. While over the past few months they had finally settled their differences, walking in with a bouquet of flowers, especially if Pema was there, was probably not an ideal situation. 

Regardless, Lin decided it’d be better just to barge in, plants in hand, hoping for some sort of an ideal outcome. She opened the door slowly and sighed in relief at her discovery. No, Pema was not there. In fact, Tenzin and Bumi were fast asleep, not moving an inch as the door creaked open. In the far end of the room by the window, however, Kya was wide awake, reading a book. When she noticed someone walking in, she turned her attention towards the door and was a tad surprised to see who her visitor was.

“Lin?” She asked in disbelief. A warm smile started to form on her face, happy to see an old friend.

“Uh, hey, Kya,” Lin replied, awkwardly, walking over to her bed. She looked around, looking for _something_ , then thrust the flowers in Kya’s face.

“These are for you, I guess,” she said, turning away with a slight blush on her cheeks. This kind of kindness was something Lin wasn’t very used to. Kya chuckled. 

“Oh gee, thanks,” she smirked. “But you know it’ll take more than flowers to impress me.”

“Spare me,” Lin replied, her voice gruff as usual. She spotted a vase in the window sporting dying plants, and brought it over. 

“Mind if I dump these?” she asked. Lin was always direct and down-to-business in her “conversations” (if you could even call them that). Kya nodded, then proceeded to bend the water out of the vase to save the garbage can from a certain watery doom.

“You’re already well enough to bend?” Lin asked as she threw the dead flowers away and placed the new ones in the vase.

“Simple bending, yes,” Kya responded, a bit more focused on the water than she normally would. While there was truth in her statement, she couldn’t deny her simple wrist movements were bringing her much pain at the moment. Still, she managed to move the water enough to expose the dirt within it.

“Lin, be a doll and get this muck out?” Kya asked, wincing a bit with each word. Lin noticed this, and quickly bent the dead dirt out of the water so Kya could place it back in the vase. Kya sighed in relief after it was done. 

With the vase placed back on the windowsill, Lin pulled a chair up to Kya’s bed and sat down.

“Are you okay?” she asked, concerned. 

Kya smiled warmly and shrugged. “I’ve been through worse,” she replied, leaning back into her pillow.

Lin frowned; she knew she was lying. Kya was always like this though. The pain of others was much more important than her own.

The two of them sat in silence for a while. Kya resting from that waterbending display a few moments ago, Lin never knowing how to begin small talk. Conversation starters rushed through her mind, one after the other. _‘How’s the weather been?’ ‘Liking the city?’ ‘Must be a drag sharing a room with your brothers, eh?’ ‘Sorry I haven’t written back to you.’ ‘It’s been such a long time-’_

With those last thoughts, Lin crossed her arms and started bouncing her leg in annoyance. Finally, she blurted out the first thing that came to mind:

“Remember that time when we were kids?” Always a good conversation starter.

Kya, having started to doze off, opened her eyes and sat up, clearly intrigued. Lin blushed a little, embarrassed by her statement (partially because she didn’t know what she was going to say next, but mostly because what she was probably going to say was just as dumb). 

“You know, when we were playing on your dad’s statue island?” Lin continued, her voice a bit anxious. Maybe the silence was better. 

“Are you talking about the time I slipped on those rocks?” Kya asked, her eyes curious, an amused smirk tugging on her lips. “I split my head open, didn’t I?”

“Yeah! And you were stuck in the hospital for a bit,” Lin said, finishing the story. “This is kinda like that, a bit,” She muttered, letting the conversation die off before she said anything else stupid. The silence in the room became awkward and Lin closed her eyes, expecting the worst. Instead, Kya just laughed.

“What’s so funny?” Lin snapped, a bit ticked off at Kya’s reaction. 

“Your attempts at small talk are _still_ so hilarious!” Kya snorted, wiping a tear from her eye.

Lin crossed her arms again and her leg resumed its annoyed bouncing. Well, at least it was _something._

“Your mom was in here too at the time, wasn’t she?” Kya asked when she eventually calmed down. She placed a finger on her chin, as if it would help her remember. Lin grew still, a frown forming on her face as she looked away and out the window. 

“Yeah, it was another failed coil test, I think,” she muttered.

Kya instantly sensed something wrong in her hardened speech, but she pressed on despite it. 

“They must have placed us in the same room,” Kya continued, her voice a bit softer. “I fondly remember her saying something along the lines of, ‘baby sugar queen got herself stuck in here too?’” she had a bit of a chuckle in her voice.

“Yeah, she was always sleeping in these beds a lot...” Lin trailed off, still looking out the window, eyes unfocused.

Kya could sense something was beginning to be off with Lin’s aura, distancing itself farther away from her. She put a hand on Lin’s arm. 

“You know, she really hated being away from home.” Kya said, her voice soft with reassurance. 

Lin finally turned back to glance at the hand on her arm, before quickly knocking it away. 

“I’d be nice if I could hear it from her mouth for once,” she grunted. “I’m tired of hearing apologies through proxies. Had enough of that as a kid.”

Kya frowned, a little surprised by the response. It wasn’t as if she didn’t _understand_ where Lin was coming from, but she figured Lin would regard these conversations in a better state of mind now. She’d overheard stories that Lin was ecstatic that her sister was in her life again. In fact, hidden behind her scowl was an overjoyed aunt more than prepared to spend time with her niece who just moved to the city. 

Perhaps the past was harder to let go of than it seemed.

“I, uh,” Kya muttered, looking away. “Sorry. I know what you mean.” Her face looked pained now, as if trying to hide her own form of hurt.

Hearing the strain in her voice, Lin turned  towards Kya, sadness in her eyes and no idea how to respond. She knew Kya had her own familial bullshit to deal with. Being the Avatar’s daughter was a small issue compared to her decades of self-inflicted guilt. It was no question that Kya was the one who struggled the most, whether that be with herself or others. In the moment, Lin wondered: Now that Bumi was an Airbender, did Kya felt even more alone? Would she think Aang still didn’t love her? Lin could only guess, but with his track record, Aang probably would have ignored her even more. At the very least, Lin remembered, Toph could still apologize.

Lin reassuringly put her hand on Kya’s, causing Kya to perk up in surprise from the unusual action(from Lin Beifong, anyways). 

“I know you do,” Lin said, her voice quiet with a rare calm. “Sorry for lashing out, I’ve just been... thinking a lot lately.”

Kya gave her a faint but warm smile. “I’ve been there,” She glanced over at her sleeping brothers, remembering how recent their first reunion in years had been as well. “I’ve been there,” she quietly repeated.

Somehow, something resonated in Lin, and she returned the smile.

They sat in silence for a few moments, Lin absentmindedly keeping her hand on Kya’s. She allowed herself to zone out and savor the moment. While hospitals were historically a trigger warning plastered on the sirens she heard daily, this visit felt like something positive. Maybe even a little... exciting? Lin allowed her thoughts to escape her now, thinking about the future. She fondly thought of her sister, something she’d never even imagined would be in this lifetime. Regardless of communication, she looked forward to Opal living on Air Temple Island; a tiny speck of Su was better than none at all, she thought. For the first time in decades, Lin would have some family to share herself with, and spared no moment imagining the good times and celebrations she’d spend with her niece. 

But, also, her mind went back to this very moment, her hand still calmly on Kya’s. Somehow, she felt safe, she felt _happy_. She thought of a place where it was just them, this scene alive in an empty room where no one had to see her smile. As a warm blush started to heat up her cheeks, _spirits,_ she thought. _Never let this end-_

The moment ended as swiftly as it had begun when the door flew open from a gust of wind. _She_ stood there in the doorway, Pema, holding some sort of care package and an infant.  With her were the children, with Meelo sparing no moment to run in and start wrecking the place. With all the commotion, Tenzin woke up with a jolt (Bumi, on the other hand, always slept like a rock) while Lin swiftly pulled her hand off of Kya’s as if it had been burned.

“Oh!” Pema exclaimed when she saw Lin sitting by Kya’s bed. “Hello, Lin!”

Lin grimaced, unimpressed by Meelo’s antics (especially now that they were directly blowing in her face), but also terrified – _how much had she seen?_

Tenzin, yawning, turned his head to find Lin. He was rightfully surprised as well. “Lin? You actually came to visit?” he blurted out, voice laced with disbelief. 

Lin groaned and stood up, scowling. “Yeah, but don’t get your panties in a bunch,” she grumbled. “I was just leaving.” 

As she started to make her exit, she felt a hand grab her wrist. Stopping, she looked down to find the hand was Kya’s.

“Hey,” Kya smiled. “If you ever wanna talk, you know i’m here.” She let go of Lin’s hand and winked, a trademark gesture at this point. 

“Yeah, yeah, thanks,” Lin replied, doing her best to leave quickly without ruffling too many feathers. She pushed her way through the now overcrowded room and dashed out of the hospital. This had been a good hospital visit, yes, but it was still probably better for her sanity if she escaped as fast as possible.

In the brief car ride back to the station, Lin allowed her mind to wander again. She thought about Kya’s words, but mostly about her offer. Considering most shrinks in the city were either busy or incompetent, Lin figured talking with Kya would be as good as talking with any professional, if not better.

As her car pulled into the station, her mind also wandered back to that moment; that empty room they shared. A part of her wanted to shrug it off, but another part wanted to explore it, discover it, recreate it, even. She walked into the station with a hint of a smile playing across her lips and a blush tinting her cheeks. Forgetting it was only late-afternoon, she abruptly stopped, doing her best to school her features when she realized she wasn’t alone. Fortunately, it was just Mako.

“Hey Chief,” he smirked, doing his best to contain his laughter. “What’d I tell ya?”

Gritting her teeth and glaring, she made sure to give him a good whack on the head on the way to her desk.


	2. and I will await you across the sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Old scars begin to remerge, new scars begin to replace them.

#### chapter 2: and I will await you across the sea

For the first time in 54 years, Lin Beifong is starting to get used to hospitals.

If anything, they’re becoming somewhat of a refuge for her. On the days she can relax, she joins Kya for lunch. On the days she feels overwhelmed, she sneaks in a flask. Regardless, what matters is the company she’s with, and how Kya and Bumi and Tenzin somehow bring a smile to her face. Taking up that offer turned out to be a good idea.

Most of the time, however, Lin spends her time with Kya. While she settles for eavesdroppers (in the form of Bumi pretending to sleep), the rare moments they have alone are treasures. In part due to the sensitivity of the scenes, discussions only a few people besides them could hear, but also (largely) due to some sort of feelings growing for-

Lin brushed off the thought as she finished stuffing Bumi’s suitcase. His injuries were far less severe than his siblings, so he had been discharged early. Fortunately for Lin, she came just in time to help out, and what a joyful experience that was. A genuine marvel was how splendidly Bumi gave orders as he lay on his bed, citing “pain” and “misfortune” as supposedly acceptable excuses. Lin constantly rolled her eyes the moment he opened his mouth, expecting something increasingly more moronic each time.

In brighter news, Tenzin was being discharged as well. Lin never completely understood just how uncomfortable she still felt towards him until his family kept showing up just as often as she did. Even more unnerving was having the conversations she had with Kya while he was awake and alert; they were definitely conversations she should have had with him in the past, but never did. Was it guilt she felt when talking? Or was it just embarrassment? Either way, it was going to be nice to have him gone, so she could at least complain about him in a more direct manner.

“Hey, Linny, make sure you pack all the souvenirs,” Bumi ordered, smug and pointing at... was it some rocks this time?

Lin rolled her eyes; she hated that nickname. Reluctantly, she gathered all of Bumi’s little trinkets and things he’d gathered over the “vacation” and his hospital stay (including more than a few numbers from cute nurses). Finally having packed the last bits, Lin slammed the suitcase closed.

“Alright, I think you’re ready to go,” Lin huffed, hoping now she could finally get rid of this pest. Bumi struggled a bit, then got up with a smile.

“Hey, thanks, Linny!” he grinned, despite Lin’s rather unenthusiastic demeanor. Chuckling to himself, he left  the room.

Meanwhile, Tenzin’s family had just finished packing his things too. Hyper as ever, Meelo dashed to the doorway with a suitcase, barking orders to “Hurry up and get dad over here!” Leaving his poor sisters and mother struggling to keep Tenzin on his feet, the tiny airbender flew out of the room with his father’s belongings. Exhausted and in pain, Tenzin still found something to smile at the scene; a smile he kept even as he limped past Lin.

“Hey, Lin,” he said, wincing a bit.

“Hey,” Lin grunted. She still didn’t want Tenzin there, and his exit couldn’t have come sooner. She crossed her arms.

“I, uh...” He clutched his ribs; talking still caused him immense pain.

Lin looked mildly concerned. If he was really dying, she’d offer a helping hand, but his daughters seemed to be doing just fine keeping him up. Still, she would have rather he not push himself.

“You don’t have to say anything,” she said. “We’re good.”

“That’s not what I-” Tenzin winced again. “I just wanted to say thank you.”

Lin raised an eyebrow. “For what?”

“For just coming to visit,” he said, then leaned in a bit closer to her. “And for my sister. She probably needs you more than the rest of us.”

Lin was a bit taken aback by his statement, then looked over to Kya. She’d been resting the whole time. So peaceful and... elegant? Was that the word for her? Lin smiled as she looked at her, Tenzin following her gaze and doing the same. He then managed to muster up enough energy to give Lin a tiny, playful punch on the shoulder. She looked at him, a bit shocked, then blushed when she realized what the sentiment _meant._ Tenzin chuckled as Lin turned away from him again, then limped his way out.

With the baggage of the room finally out of the way, Lin sat down beside Kya’s bed and pulled out a book. This wasn’t the first time; it was nice to just be there, even if Kya was sleeping. However, in the newfound gift of silence, Lin took the chance to think with a clear mind and without distractions. She glanced at Kya over her book in some sort of admiration, the tolls of age clearly making minimal impact. Her eyes trailed down from her face to her shoulders, her arms delicate but fierce. Continuing, a part of Lin had to hesitate grabbing her hand. They were soft, yet clearly hardened from use. Eventually, Lin’s eyes began to wander more daringly, and a creeping warmness filled her cheeks as she made her way to Kya’s chest.

They were... well, Lin was rather unsure about words. It had been a while since she had looked at anyone this way, let alone another woman. Yet, something felt right within the wrongs and Lin began to imagine. She saw herself, and then there was Kya, smiling and grabbing Lin’s hand. She opted for an embrace, holding tight, afraid to let go. The daydreams looked at each other with a longing in their eyes, finally deciding to lean in and-

“Look, Lin, I get that they’re nice and all, but you don’t have to stare at them so... intensely.”

The image was abruptly shattered by Kya’s voice, so Lin took a moment to collect herself. She quickly turned away, her face bright red from embarrassment as Kya laughed.

“What!? I-I wasn’t-” Lin stammered out with exasperated breaths. “Don’t pin me for some kind of pervert!”

“Hey, if I was me I’d do the same and own the title,” Kya shrugged, much to Lin’s dismay. Crossing her arms, she huffed and turned away. Kya laughed.

“You’re cute when you’re... embarrassed.” Kya said, the laughter dying off. At this, Lin started to feel a blush forming on her cheeks. But then, suddenly, in a moment, she stopped. It was a bit unusual, weird, even, that she’d have that same warmness a few moments earlier. Now, they were gone with the red that had formed on her cheeks.

She’d thought about it for a moment. What did it even mean? Did Kya notice? Was something... blocking her? She continued to look away, out the window, until she felt a hand on her arm.

“Kya?” she said, somewhat startled.

“Something’s up with you.” Kya’s voice was all-knowing, but Lin shrugged it off.

“It’s fine. Just glad to see your dumb brothers are gone,” Lin murmured, hoping this would get Kya off her back. Instead, Kya leaned back, glaring at her. Lin looked at her now, began a staring contest, of sorts. It didn’t take long for Lin to crack, though; Kya always got what she wanted, even when they were-

“Kids. Kid. When I was a kid,” Lin blurted out, just saying the first thing that came to mind.

“What?” Considering Lin had been “admiring the view” a few moments earlier, Kya was understandably confused.

“No! I just mean, I’ve been thinking about when we were kids a bit again lately, I don’t know.” Lin’s voice trailed off into a mutter, mumbling something under her breath.

“Well, you were a cute kid, you know,” Kya recalled. “A bit of a lone wolf, even back then, but you definitely had pinch-able cheeks.”

“Thanks,” Lin grinned, sarcastically, before her frown returned. “Lately, i’ve been thinking about that.”

“About what, exactly?”  
“The loneliness.”  
“Oh.”

Kya shifted around a bit in her bed and crossed her arms. She looked out the window this time.

“I’ve been there,” she said, quietly.

“Yeah, yeah, Aang cared more about Tenzin than you and Bumi, we’ve had this talk,” Lin grunted.

“No, I mean, the thinking about it,” Kya replied, her voice... solemn? This odd response caught Lin’s attention. She turned back and dropped her arms, waiting now for the story. Kya’s eyes went unfocused for a moment, then returned to Lin.

“You remember Annka, right?” she asked. Lin nodded her head. She was a girlfriend of Kya’s, back in the day. Lin was only fourteen at the time, too enamored with Tenzin and making sure Su was out of trouble to care about Kya’s exploits. It was a bit hard to ignore them, though, if the stories she told back then were to be believed. Somehow, they stole an ostrich cart? And managed to get it on Appa’s back?

Lin shook her head to clear her mind, turning her attention back to Kya. She had a hand on her necklace. Lin frowned.

“She made that for you, right?” Lin mused. Kya smiled a bit, starting to get lost in the memory.

“Yeah...” She sighed. “But, you do know how these necklaces work, right?”

It was then, Lin realized. “Oh. _Oh._ ” As far as she was concerned, Annka was a fling Kya had when she was a teenager, barely an adult. Considering Kya’s expansive adventures and multiple “accomplishments” over the years (that she spared no moment describing in full detail in her letters), it must have been one hell of a love story.

Yet, Kya didn’t seem too happy talking about her wife. She’d been looking away, holding her necklace. This wasn’t something Lin was used to; Kya was known to stay upbeat even during her grievances regarding her father. Something had happened, whether between them or external forces, and Lin knew she’d have to be a listening ear.

“Refresh my memory; what did she look like?” Lin figured she needed a mental picture if she was going to offer any advice. Kya spared no moment digging through her nearby bag, pulled out a locket, and tossed it to Lin. Inside was a happier moment, a cherished memory, perhaps. The sepia picture had to have been at least ten years old, as Kya still had some remnants of dark hair. In it, she had her arms wrapped around another woman, their cheeks pressed together. They looked like they took the picture themselves, and definitely had a lot of fun doing it.

They were both older, but Annka seemed to glow just as much as Kya did in her middle age. She was starting to remember now; her face was round and still as soft as it was back then, even if it was augmented with small wrinkles of age. Her hair was still short and wavy, it too starting to go silver.

“Her eyes were like an ocean,” Kya remembered. “Always reminded me of the northern sea.”

“Well, she was from the Northern Water Tribe,” Lin said, her tiny chuckle being an attempt at lightening the mood. It worked, Kya chuckled along with her.

“Yeah, she was a Northern girl through and through. Especially when her parents caught us and threw her back up there.” And then, the mood returned.

“The law was harsh back then...” Lin recalled, her answer blunt.

Kya nodded. “Kept us apart for twenty years, but somehow we got tangled up in trouble again.” She... chuckled? Lin was happy for her, for a moment, trying to imagine the journey it must have taken to even get there. The loyalty, the struggle, hell, some sort of trust had somehow remained in there. It reminded her of the good times with Tenzin, the times where she was happy, head over heels in love with him, knowing she’d be happy to spend every waking moment with him until death did them-

Lin instantly realized where the conversation was headed.

“Annka’s not... around anymore, is she?” she asked, her voice solemn.

Kya’s only response was a slight nod, holding back tears. She clenched her necklace a bit tighter, accepting the pain for a few more moments, then let go as she took a deep, staggered, breath.

“I’m sorry,” Lin said, her voice soft with reassurance, placing a hand on Kya’s shoulder.

“You have no reason to,” Kya said, defiantly. Her voice was barely a whisper to mask the pain. “You’ve been here, you understand.”

She didn’t really know what Kya meant by that. Tenzin didn’t die, he dumped her. She figured her complaints about her mother was more in tune to talks about Aang. Reconnecting with Su was also a very, very different situation. Lin allowed herself to dig deeper into her thoughts, Kya’s thoughts. She sat there analyzing the variables, but landed back to the word “kid.”

_“A bit of a lone wolf, even back then.”_

It clicked: “here” didn’t mean what she felt back then. “Here” was now; “here” was this moment. “Here” was this room, where together, they felt alone.

Yeah, Lin definitely knew what that felt like.

They sat there in silence for a few moments, Kya’s quiet cries quickly receding. She didn’t know how it got there, but Lin found her hand moving into Kya’s. It felt nice, like old memories she had tried to forget. A simple glance found Kya finding a place of calm in their joined hands, kind and sweet, but also reminiscing.

Then, she looked at Lin, and time froze for a moment.

There are very few things in this world that can melt Lin Beifong’s icy exterior, and the warm, caring smile Kya gave her burned down her defenses. In a rare act, Lin smiled back, oddly genuine but just as welcoming. This was good, this was right, and Lin quietly accepted the feelings she had tried to ignore. She had a feeling Kya felt the same, and pushed aside the expected panic just to savour this moment of forever.

Yet, as quickly as it came, they both returned to reality as the clock chimed four. Lin had the night shift, Kya had her physiotherapy, but both of them wanted to ignore life as it came. Lin sighed as she pulled her hand away from Kya’s, gathering her belongings.

“Duty calls,” she joked. “Glad I can say that without the peanut gallery chiming in his two cents.”

Kya chuckled. One of the many blessings of having Bumi out of the room. Lin stood up and gave Kya one last smile, putting a hand on her shoulder.

“You take care, okay?” She never meant it more than now.

Kya grinned. “When haven’t I?” she quipped back.

Lin was relieved that Kya was back to normal. She pat her shoulder, then started to make her exit. However, she found her hand caught, and turned around to find Kya holding her back.

“Thanks,” she said softly. “It’s been... nice having someone around.”

Lin was taken aback at this uncommon gesture from Kya.

“The same goes to you,” she replied, the first thing that came to mind sounding a bit more... real than she intended. With that, Kya let go of Lin’s hand, allowing her to leave. She walked backwards out the door, clinging to every moment she could have with Kya.

Now, after leaving the hospital, she allowed the panic of loving Kya overtake her. She broke a sweat in her car, thinking about how weak she was. Allowing someone to enter her life like this, well, it had been a while. She wasn’t even sure if romance was the best word for what she felt – girls just had these kinds of connections, right? Friends held each other’s hands for comfort all the time! But did they always feel a sense of longing while doing so?

No, Lin contemplated. This conflict was one of many.

Constantly debating with herself the entire drive to the station, Lin walked in directly to Mako’s office and screamed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: "I will await you across the sea" is my all time favourite mass effect line.
> 
> also fun fact: I romanced liara.
> 
> ~liek if u cri abt thane everyt1em~


	3. be alive with me tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Twelve years and one event can do a lot to change a person.

#### chapter 3: be alive with me tonight

It’s been over twelve years since Lin Beifong even _considered_ going out on a date, yet here she was, holding goddamn flowers _again_ , but so outrageously nervous she shook more violently than an earthquake.

It’d been about a month now since Kya was released from the hospital, her injuries finally reduced down to an annoyance rather than a burden. She had expressed concern (more like complaints) about moving back to Air Temple Island, but figured the healer work the hospital offered her got her away for long enough. She definitely enjoyed the time she had with her nieces and nephews, and it _was_ nice that Tenzin had kept her old room tidy. Also, rent was expensive in the city; Kya knew to take free room and board when it was offered.

It had gone no more than a week when Mako started his pushing, or rather, insisting. Lin knew the bond between mentor and mentee was strong, but even this was teetering on the boundaries. Of course, Mako had a key to her apartment if she ever needed any housekeeping while she was working, and he also had the key to her car, and knew the combination to her mailbox. Yet, Lin concluded, barging into her home unannounced on her day off with two tickets to the pro-bending game next week in one hand and an open bottle of cactus juice in the other, was a little much.

_“Chief, we need to talk,” Mako said, his voice a little drunk already. Lin loved to drink with the boy (hell, he was one of the only people she ever drank with), but gave him a bit of a stink-eye at his... appearance. He’d taken to wearing a muscle shirt in his casual wear, yet somehow remembered to put proper pants on. At least he didn’t have that scarf anymore to make the outfit even more of a fashion disaster._

_Mako made himself at home and plopped down on the (tattered) couch next to Lin, who had been reading a newspaper moments before. He took a look around, as if he hadn’t been there all that much. Dank, ill-lit, a bit stuffy from the lack of air-conditioning. A dirty plate in the sink, fresh from dinner, but it’d probably sit there for weeks if his memory of previous times was anything to go by. He could see the dust forming in the air as little dust balls rolled on the hardwood._

_“Okay, first of all, you need a cleaning lady,” he slurred, making a face at the mess. Mako was quite... different when under the influence._

_“I’m never home, so what’s the point?” Lin retorted. It was the truth; Lin basically lived at the station._

_“Second of all, if I might have a chance to conclude,” Mako continued, “You need a date.”_

_Lin stared blankly at him over the paper. “I... what?”_

_“A date! For these pro-bending tickets.” He threw them in Lin’s face. Lin grabbed them and squinted at the tiny text (age was a difficult thing to accept)._

_“These are the Sato box seats... why not go with Asami?” Lin asked, not completely grasping the idea he was getting at yet. Mako rolled his eyes._

_“Okay look.” He spoke a lot more with his hands after some sips of cactus juice. “First of all, Asami’s spending all her time with Korra as she recovers. That’s why she gave them to me. Second of all, you’ve been spending way too much time at that damn hospital on your lunch breaks for me to consider you and Kya as ‘just friends’.”_

_Lin squinted her eyes suspiciously at him. She couldn’t tell if he was joking or if he was actually serious. After all, even she couldn’t deny by now the fluttering feelings she had for Kya. She was definitely head over heels for her, but wasn’t she too old to be thinking about this, especially considering her crush was a widow?_

_Then, Lin realized, that yes, Mako was indeed dead serious. And this wasn’t the first time; he was a detective, after all. She crumpled the newspaper and looked him directly in the eye._

_“Okay, look, kid,” she said bluntly. “First of all-”_

_“That’s my line.”_

_“First of all,” she repeated, “I told you the last five times that I was getting too old for this. Second of all...”_

_“Yes?” Mako asked, intrigued. He had never gotten to the second part of a potential answer before._

_Lin sighed and crossed her arms, bouncing her leg as she typically did. She decided, this sixth time, that perhaps she finally take his advice._

_“...Theoretically, if I were to ask her out...” Lin was blushing from embarrassment while Mako was already beaming victoriously._

_“Come on, Chief, just ask her out. You know she’ll say yes!” Mako exclaimed, excited like a child on Avatar’s Day._

_Lin gave him a look at his uncharacteristic outburst, then noticed the bottle of cactus juice was even less full than it was when he came in. She groaned._

_“Yeah, I know, kid, but how do you, like, words?” she asked, a bit flustered._

_Mako turned keen, handed over the bottle, and pointed to the phone. Lin looked at the bottle, and then him._

_“You can’t be serious.” She said. Asking Kya out while drunk may not have been the... wisest idea. Mako looked at her with more determination than he ever had in his life._

_“Sometimes you need a little… outside pushing to do things,” Mako said, taking another sip. “How else did you think I built up the nerve to barge into Lin Beifong’s apartment unannounced?”_

_It all made sense now. Lin sighed, then gave him a determined nod. She grabbed the bottle and downed the other half that Mako had graciously left. She wiped the juice off of her soiled lips, shook her head to get ahold of herself, then slowly made her way over to the phone..._

“And don’t forget some flowers, Chief!” Lin really had a habit of mocking Mako, annoyed, even if he was correct about some things. Here she was, a week later, standing strong yet _utterly terrified_ on a boat helmed by an Air Acolyte. She’d dressed herself in something fancier than usual for the occasion, something that had _also_ required some pushing from a certain flame-headed private-boy.

_“Chief, there's absolutely no way i’m letting you go out in that,” Mako sighed, bringing a hand to his face. Lin had come to him in nothing but some basic pants and her white tank top. Lin shrugged._

_“What? We’re just going out to the pro-bending match, then maybe some drinks. You said ‘keep it casual’, and this is casual for me, kid.” Lin snorted, crossing her arms._

_Mako sighed again and reached into his closet, pulling out a dark green blazer that belonged to his brother, and a nice belt to go along with it. He handed them to Lin._

_“These should fit you,” Mako said, a hint of frustration lacing his voice. As Lin accepted the clothes and put them on (they were a perfect fit), he wondered just why Lin would even consider going out on a date dressed like she was._

_“Hey, uh, thanks kid,” Lin said, giving a thumbs up. “I don’t own anything else so...”_

_Mako sighed as he got his answer._

After what she wished was forever, but seemed terrifyingly short, Lin found herself at the dock of Air Temple Island. She had some... _strong_ memories about this place, but already decided she’d lock away her demons to create some happier memories about the island. 

The one thing Lin wasn’t ready for, however, was her date standing so _elegantly beautiful_ in a glowing, blue Water Tribe dress, waiting for her to arrive. Lin swallowed hard in order to prevent her mouth from opening mindlessly. The dress was cut _very_ deep, sleeveless and angled at the skirt. It was embroidered by the fur of some arctic animal. Kya had complemented the outfit with some bracelets, high boots, and of course her necklace. If Lin had any doubts about Kya before, they were long gone by now.

However, what seemed to Lin to be falling flowers and a twirl upon Kya’s appearance, was really more like a smirking waterbender crossing her arms in a fake annoyance. 

“Come on, Lin, it’s not nice to keep a girl waiting,” she spoke with some playful snark in her voice. Lin, not totally understanding the call for banter, hurriedly pulled out a pocket watch. Her panic receded once she saw the time.

“We’re actually three hours early,” Lin noted, a little too seriously. She even held the watch out for Kya to look at it. Kya’s response was only a roll of her eyes, but she chuckled a bit while doing so. Lin still didn’t get it, but was glad she somehow had made Kya laugh. It was always nice when that happened. She smiled, a faint blush coloring her cheeks. 

“Well, then, we’d better get a move on.” Kya said facetiously, as she walked past Lin and over to the boat. She gave a nod to the acolyte, who stepped aside to allow her to board. Lin raised an eyebrow, confused at the gesture. Yes, Kya _was_ a waterbender, but Lin was taking _her_ out on a date – there was no need to do any work. She was about to speak up when Kya cut her off.

“All those explosions making you deaf? I said let’s go!” Kya’s voice was playful, yet a tad annoyed as she placed her hands on her waist. Lin was confused, but walked over and onto the boat anyway.

“Where... where are we going?” Lin finally asked.

Kya winked. “It’s a surprise.”

~~~

“How the _flying turtle duck_ did you get reservations to Kwong’s!?” Lin exclaimed, first looking at Kya in disbelief, then at the monstrous, elegant restaurant that stood before her. It’d only gotten more beautiful since the addition of spirit vines both on the inside and outside. Rebuilt around the vines’ shape, the new theme of the restaurant garnered an even bigger clientele (who obviously gave no qualms about the price), which had made it nearly impossible to grab a table in the recent months.

“I called them up and asked nicely?” Kya shrugged.

Lin knew she wasn’t serious, but she was still in too much shock to laugh along. 

“No, really,” she breathed, in awe as she took in the exterior once more.

“Front of house manager is a... friend. Old friend,” Kya quickly responded, seemingly a tad embarrassed at the reveal. Lin raised a curious eyebrow with her smirk. 

“So, _this_ is the secret network of Republic City lesbians i’ve heard so much about,” Lin said with a bit of snark. 

“You can only join if you’ve dated a member for at least 24 hours,” Kya shot back, snickering. “Rules used to be 12 hours, but we ended up getting too many members.”

“Ha!” Lin laughed, maybe a bit too loudly. “Okay, but if i’m only half gay, that means I can join in half the time, right?”

“Who told you that!?” Kya seemed a bit... concerned. A bit too serious. Lin didn’t know if they were still playing around or not.

“Your, uh, friend gave the suggestion-”

“No! I mean, who said you were ‘half gay’?” Kya exclaimed.

“No one,” Lin replied. “I just meant that, well, I’ve been thinking about it a bit and I think i’m into... ‘y’know’ and guys, and... that’s what it means, right?”

“Well, yes,” Kya sighed. “And no. I mean, it’s different for everybody.”

“I’m... confused as to what you’re saying here,” Lin grunted, crossing her arms.

“What I’m saying is, you just gotta understand what you’re saying, alright, kid?” Kya’s tone returned to something more casual as she entered Kwong’s.

Lin stood there in thought for a moment, and decided she’d talk to herself about labels afterwards. Still, this _was_ her first insight into what the community was like in Republic City. Well, a first insight that didn’t involve stereotypes and noise violations. Realizing Kya had gone ahead, she pushed away her thoughts and followed.

How grand! It’d been a while since Lin had dinner in such an establishment. The “redecorating” was seen as a nice touch; some vines serving as larger tables, the paint on the walls changed to match. Still, it had a feeling of intimacy, with dimmed lights and rounded tables, many other dates that night taking advantage of the atmosphere. 

All Kya had to do was nod at the hostess to get them in (Lin wondered if she was also a member of the secret lesbian network), and they were brought to a modest table in a booth. It had a curved sofa seat, and was already set up fine with some bread and dinner plates. A bottle of the city’s finest wine was also present, two glasses already filled and ready. 

In awe, but also taking a note she got from Mako to “stay a bit reserved, the ladies love that!”, Lin crossed her arms and smirked.

“Fancy,” was her simple statement as she sat down in the booth. Kya followed.

“Well,” Kya said, already sipping her wine. “I haven’t been presented with the opportunity to impress anyone in a while, so I went all out.” She winked. Lin was starting to understand the playful banter now. She took a sip from her glass and looked at the menu. Then, she took a moment of realization of just _what_ booth she was in; she’d been here before. Years ago, mind you, but the round booth was iconic in the city, and was usually frequented by certain industrial moguls.

“This is the Sato booth,” she remarked, realizing the perks were probably included with the “package” Asami generously had given her. Perhaps there _were_ some good things about that blasted island. 

“Oh no, you caught me.” Lin really did love Kya’s sarcastic tone. Lin laughed. 

“With the tickets to the Sato booth, and the Satomobile I _had_ rented,” Lin played back, but also genuinely wondering if the ordered car was just sitting there by the dock. “Perhaps we should just get some Future Industries tattoos and call it a night.”

Kya roared with laughter. Lin silently made a mental note of _success!_ This was a good start, they _both_ concluded. 

Everything seemed surprisingly natural now, all the nerves seemingly shrinking away, replaced by smalltalk and laughter. Lin never realized just how comfortable she was with Kya. All her fears disappeared, and needless to say, this surprise dinner date was going well. Throughout the night Lin kept making snide remarks about Kya ordering the steak (“I would too if I was stuck with vegetarians.”), while Kya constantly ordered more and _more_ wine to the table, to which they both happily drank.

But of course, alcohol does serve as a truth serum, and their deep conversations at the hospital somehow translated to candlelit dinner. Kya seemed to focus on Lin’s apparent identity issues.

“Have you ever found yourself with another woman before, Lin?” Kya dropped the bomb rather suddenly as she cut her (long-awaited) steak. 

Lin didn’t seem too phased by it, but was also hoping the issue wouldn’t be brought up again. It _was_ a thought that constantly traversed her mindscape, further adding to the confusion of the feelings she’d been experiencing. It didn’t help that she hadn’t dated anyone in over twelve years, wondering if her “lack of skill” finally decided to react upon the next available person. 

“No,” Lin responded bluntly. 

“Oh wow, I’m honoured,” Kya replied with a smirk. She took another sip of her wine. “But I find that hard to believe. I mean, you’re a cop – you’ve _got_ to have some sexy police school stories. Someone _had_ to have ‘modified’ the uniforms at one point or another.”

“You have a thing for uniformed types, I’m guessing?” Lin chuckled. “I find that quite surprising considering your... extensive record.”

“Hey, we all have our rebellious phases.” Kya winked. 

Lin let out a short laugh, then turned more somber. 

“My mother would probably throw a fit if she found out about this,” she said. 

“Are you kidding!? Of course she would!” Kya laughed. “Not because of the cop thing, but because she’d been rooting for this for years!” 

“Really?” Lin asked in disbelief.

“Every single time Toph saw you and Tenzin together, she’d turn to my mom and make some snide remark about him,” Kya explained. “Then, she’d turn to me, thinking I wasn’t busy and say how _I_ was the better sibling for you.”

“Maybe I should have listened to her more,” Lin mused, the phrase not as depressing as it usually was. She smiled. Kya could sense it was hidden behind a deeper meaning, however, but before she could change the subject, Lin continued.

“Do you really think she’d be... okay with this?” Lin asked. Her voice was quiet, a bit nervous with the question. 

“Yeah, I mean, you know she was always very liberal with you guys.” Kya quickly replied.

It was kind of a relief, but Lin still had her doubts. For now, though, she decided to push them off to the side and continue the night. Yet, she had some hard questions for Kya as well.

“Do you think _Annka_ would be okay with this?” 

There was an odd silence between them, augmented by the busy sounds of the restaurant. Kya wasn’t floored by the question, per se, but it did catch her a bit off guard. She took an unusually long time to think about her answer.

“I think so,” Kya finally responded, quietly. “I mean, all she wanted was for me to be happy, so-”

“Then, be happy!” Lin quickly blurted out, changing the mood. She didn’t even want to imagine what was going through Kya’s mind right now, wondering if she had the same doubts she had held a few moments ago regarding her mother. She also pushed those thoughts away, and could tell Kya had too. They both laughed and returned to their meals.

During the silence of eating, however, Lin let her mind wander again, and it always landed back to the idea of love, of opening herself up again. Again, It’d been twelve years, and she kept pounding that idea until it engraved itself in her brain. Her mind explored the past, happy memories of the time she had with Tenzin, but also couldn’t tear herself away when she remembered how it ended. She hated it, but sheso vividly saw that day when she caught Tenzin cheating on her. They were heading to a divorce regardless, but seeing _her_ on top of _him_ in _their_ bed just pushed the knife in deeper.

Perhaps that was what had kept her away from these things for so long? Lin allowed herself to ignore the thought for now.

Kya, however, _also_ thought about this. She wouldn’t let it show, but the daily memory screening of “The Death of your Wife” was about to begin its evening show. It seemed a bit augmented in the situation however, wondering if she could see something new within the regular thoughts. Her mind wandered to their last moments, or rather, the _lack_ of last moments they’d had; Annka was sick, and Kya knew the water from the Northern Water Tribe’s spirit oasis could save her. After all, it had once before. This time, this _one_ time, though...

She was too late.

These “memories”, were only twisted fantasies, hopeful chances at replacing a story that just wasn’t there. 

The one thing that kept her away for twelve years, maybe it was loss? The only time she let Lin know was that brief conversation the day her brothers were discharged. She didn’t want Lin to see her like this, she didn’t want _herself_ to see her like this, so Kya also shoved her thoughts away. 

As their (expensive, but covered by Future Industries) check landed on the table, Lin decided to explore the _other_ things she pondered throughout the meal.

“So, uh, seems we’re a bit late for the match,” Lin said, her voice a bit shaky from the nervousness. She didn’t care if it was a lie or not, she had concluded that a Pro-Bending match was maybe a bit too... juvenile after this sophisticated adult dinner. Well, that was her personal excuse, anyway.

Kya instantly knew where this was going, and played along.

“Oh dear, what a shame.” She even acted out a bit this time. “How will I ever sleep at night knowing I missed some benders hitting each other?”

“Who said you’d be sleeping?” Lin winked. Her hand was still shaking under the table, but somehow she managed to muster the courage to say that line. Even she was a bit shocked by it. Guess she still had some smooth moves locked in the back of her mind. 

Kya didn’t even respond. She slapped some money down on the table, grabbed Lin by the arm and stormed out of the restaurant.

~~~

Her back against the recently closed door, Lin felt her body swell with heat, shaking as she brought her hands up to Kya’s face. Their foreheads touching, they both felt an exhilarating rush of excitement run through them. In a moment, Lin brought her lips up to Kya’s, eagerly awaiting the moment their lips would touch. The thrill rushed through her body, waiting to explode, until-

They stopped. _Why did we stop!?_

Lin looked at Kya with pained eyes, Kya staring straight into them with a broken look of her own. This was perfect, they had each other, the night was theirs. But, this sense of longing... was it for love? Or was it just something to fill the empty void they both had lived with for twelve years? _But what void-!?_

Lin knew. Kya knew. So, this – _them_ – was it real? 

Now, they shared doubts.

Lin dropped her hands and rested them on Kya’s. Their foreheads still touching, their breaths still close enough to savor. 

“I’m sorry,” Lin breathed, tears starting to form in her eyes.

“It’s okay,” Kya replied, her breath still shaky and her eyes glistening as well. The two of them stood there for a moment, somehow admiring the intimacy they still shared. After a few moments, a single tear ran down Lin’s rugged, scarred cheek.

“I’m... I’m so scared, Kya.” Lin finally confessed, her voice still barely a breath.

Kya swallowed down her cries, tears streaming down her face. “Me too.” Kya’s reply was simple, but enough. She tried to hold back, but cried harder, burying her face in Lin’s forehead.

“I... I can’t...” Kya wept. “I can’t lose her again...”

Lin looked at her now, bringing a hand up to Kya’s cheek, wiping away her tears. She looked away a moment later, not wanting to relive her own pain, her own loneliness. Kya sensed this, and slowly backed away.

“Maybe this... Maybe I should go,” Kya quietly decided, her words as broken as their meaning. 

“Yeah, maybe,” Lin muttered in reply. 

Her piercing words were the last ones Kya wanted to hear. 

They exchanged some brief bows, and another look into each other’s shattered faces. As the door closed ever so quietly behind Kya, Lin broke down, screaming onto the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: literally half of these chapter titles are thane romance quotes
> 
> reminder of an old fun fact: I always romance liara
> 
> a new fun fact: this is probably because i'm impatient but also gay as fuck
> 
> (also super special thanks to werebi-official for being my professional bisexual consultant on this chapter)


	4. and I will return to where I began

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The worst mistakes can become our most treasured moments.

#### chapter 4: and I will return to where I began

Lin Beifong has no idea what she’s even _doing_ at that damn hospital anymore. But three times this week she’s stood at its doors wondering if she should even say “hello” to Kya, or if it’s best she drive back to the station (like she always did) and just ignore this like everything else in her life.

The moment Kya left, Lin immediately started to rummage through her thoughts. Memories scattered about, she found herself locked in an endless cycle of joy with Kya, infected by neglect by her family, by Tenzin. Was it because Kya was his sister? Or was it those damn talks they kept having... 

Frankly, Lin boiled it down to her feeling a lack of deserving. Everyone left her eventually, so why waste time starting the cycle again? Her loneliness took over in the moment, she figured out, and it wasn’t a happy realization. She cursed herself in the results, hoping that during these few months she had changed. Hoping she had grown past that. Praying that those damn talks didn’t go to waste, but discovered horribly, that maybe they have.

_These things don’t really leave you_ , Lin decided, and she was too goddamn stubborn to learn how to live with them. That was her excuse, anyways.

The following week wasn’t... fun. For lack of a better term, it was complete and utter hell for Lin and the other officers. While the workers didn’t know the turmoil ravaging their Chief’s mind, they knew not to anger her in any way, listen when spoken to, and “ _do their goddamn jobs or so help me I will slice your badges off personally!_ ”

Well, every worker followed this except for – yes – a certain flame-headed private boy who never did learn his place. 

“Chief, you need to either take some time off, get a drink, or tell me what the heck is going on,” Mako huffed as he sat down at Lin’s desk. He crossed his arms and glared at her, his expression serious. In return, Lin practically snarled at him as she looked up from her paperwork. While that would scare any other private, Mako remained stone-cold, determined to be the voice of action yet again in Lin’s conscience.

“Mako, my life is none of your concern and I’d appreciate if you stayed out of it,” Lin replied sternly. It was the closest she could get to not yelling.

“Actually, I pushed you to go on that date, so yes, this is my concern.” 

“Did the others start to blame you?”

“No, I started to blame myself.”

Lin stared at him a bit wide-eyed as the boy lowered his defenses and glanced away. 

“I just... I wanted you to be happy, Chief,” he said, his voice quivering.

“And why do you care so much for my wellbeing?” Lin retorted.

“Because you’re the closest goddamn thing I’ve had to a parent in a long time, and I don’t want to lose you too!” Mako finally snapped.

Lin glanced away from him now, in some sort of shame. She had to admit the connection she had to Mako _was_ a bit closer than simply private and chief, and it wasn’t because of the world-scale missions they’d been on together. Did she see him as a son? Maybe, but she never cared for children; she just wanted to see this burdened kid do alright in this crazy world. Perhaps if he got some guidance she hadn’t had, he wouldn’t turn out as messed up as her.

“You’re so closed off it _kills_ you, and you don’t even realize it!” He was ranting now, but Lin needed to hear it. “As much as we talk, you still don’t tell me anything, and I get that, you don’t want to spill it. But here I was: seeing you smile with Kya, that _finally_ someone got through to you. That _finally_ , you’d address your grief, come to terms with it, and find someone in your miserable life to love you.” The last words seemed a bit... personal. Mako’s breaths were staggered between his tears. 

Lin looked at him, remorseful, holding back her own tears. He was right, he was _always_ right, and Lin started to wonder if she truly had made a mistake.

“I’ve... also been there, Chief,” Mako whimpered. “No, I _am_ here, but I’m working on it, _goddamnit_ I’m working on it.” At this point, neither Mako nor Lin knew who exactly was the “parent” here. Lin knew he had regrets, but she never really saw them. However, what she was seeing right now wasn’t really those. She didn’t see the brooding, strong, flame-headed private boy she’d recruited last year. What she saw wasn’t even a little boy crying in an alleyway with his brother over his murdered parents.

No, what she saw in that moment was _her_ , a young woman again, around his age, breaking down when she knew everything was gone. 

Or, rather, she saw what she _should_ have done then, 12 years ago, no, _30_ years ago, instead of swallowing her pride and letting it slowly burn her from the inside. At the very least, she was glad to see Mako wasn’t making the same mistakes she did. 

After a few moments, he sobered up. 

“Kya saves you,” he said, determined yet again. “You’re lost without her, and I have no idea what kind of crap she goes through, but she’s probably lost without you too.” 

Lin looked away from him, her lip starting to quiver. She was on the brink of tears, trying desperately to hold them back in front of him. Oddly enough, however, she really did want to hear this, even if everything told her not to. 

Yet, she sat there, wondering if it was too late already? Had she made her choice? Did she really have to live with the consequences? If anything, Lin started to curse herself even more, but now a single tear broke through again, rolling down her right cheek, over her scar. She had to grit her teeth, had to keep herself together.

Mako’s words continued to ring in her mind. _Kya’s lost without you..._ The thought had never really occurred to her before. All this time she spent worrying about herself and her needs, ignoring the signs that Kya was suffering. Of course she was, with all that parental abandonment and sibling rivalries, and, well, the death of a loved one... Is there any real way to describe that kind of turmoil? Lin sat there wondering if maybe she just missed something when they were kids, and realized their upbringings were more connected than she had thought.

Maybe Kya’s reassurance to her was her own way of coping, Lin wondered. However, she didn’t have too much time to dwell on Kya, possible apologies, or bouts of regret as the office door suddenly swung open. 

In the doorway stood Kya, seemingly exhausted from... running? Lin couldn’t tell if Kya was covered in sweat or tears, or both. Regardless, Lin just stared at her, stunned that she was here, surprised that she would even _consider_ looking her in the eye after the... incident.

“I should go,” Mako abruptly mentioned as he weaseled his way out of the room. It probably wouldn’t have mattered; they just stood there for more than a few minutes, both of their minds racing. What _were_ the right words here? What was the right thing to say? Lin was back to gritting her teeth, and Kya was visibly holding back tears as well. It didn’t take much longer for Kya to break.

“I’m going back to the Southern Water Tribe,” she announced, her voice quiet and her breaths stagnant.

The words were stunning, piercing Lin’s soul. The Southern Water Tribe? All the way there? _But she was just starting to enjoy her life in the city-_

“It’s for the best, I think, you know, to be with my mother.” Her voice was reduced to a mutter now. That was just an excuse, Lin knew. “I just... I wanted to let you know.” 

With that, Kya took a few last moments to look at Lin, and turned away from her. She started to march out, and Lin was, to her own horror, _letting_ her.   

_What are you doing?_

_Are you just going to let her go?_

_Stop her!_

_I can’t lose her too..._

Without a moment’s notice, Lin hopped over the desk and grabbed Kya’s arm. She then pulled her into a kiss, an _actual_ kiss, one which Kya (thankfully) returned. 

“I’m so sorry!” Lin gasped between sobs after breaking away from the kiss. “I’m so, so sorry...”

“It’s okay! It’s okay...” Kya reassured her, perhaps reassuring herself, bringing Lin close into a hug. Both of them stained, they dug themselves deeper into each other’s embrace. 

“I don’t want to go back,” Kya cried.

“I know,” Lin replied.  


“I just thought... if you didn’t want me-”  
“Of course I want you!” 

Lin pulled back and looked at Kya, determined. Yet, it only took a few moments of staring at that perfect, beautiful face to make her crack.

“I was just... I want to love someone again so terribly much,” she whimpered. “To let go of my fears, and just find that with you.”

“I want the same, and I’ve just been so _scared_ to accept love again,” Kya quietly replied. “I don’t want to lose h- I don’t want to _feel_ like that ever again.”

There was a pause.

“I understand, she was taken away too soon,” Lin solemnly said. “In a sense, Tenzin was too.” 

With this, Kya _finally_ managed to chuckle. “I don’t know if comparing my idiot wolfbat of a brother to my dead wife is a fair comparison, but whatever floats your boat.”

Lin had never been more relieved to hear Kya’s sarcastic humour, even if it wasn’t in an... appropriate situation. Or was it? It was just them, their talk, their hug, their _kiss_. Lin managed to sport a small smile.

“It’s... kind of terrifying,” she said, blushing and looking away. “But... I think I can live with just _trying_ to love again with you.” 

“I want to think the same,” Kya smiled back. “And... I think i’d be okay with trying that out with you too.”

It’s rare that Lin Beifong throws a smile as wide as she did, but she spared no moment to kiss Kya again after that response. This was it, this was _good_ , this _felt_ good. More importantly, it felt _right_. There were hurdles, no doubt, but they felt strong enough to face them now, to push them away if not ready to jump over them. 

And that entire kiss, Lin kept going, even if a certain, flame-headed private-boy was snickering (but cheering them on) from the sidelines. 

He’d earned it.

~~~

_One Month Later_

~~~

“Come on, Lin, Tonks is an old fart of a bison and can’t wait for you forever!” 

Lin groaned as she (painfully) walked out with all of hers, _and_ Kya’s, travel bags. She started to throw them onto the aforementioned flying bison’s saddle, wondering if _this_ was what was going to make years of unsafe physical performance catch up with her. Kya, instead of helping (something Lin reluctantly had learned to accept), opted to look out at the early morning sunrise, calling Lin over to join her.

“Drop the bags, you gotta see this!” she exclaimed. For the past month, Lin was glad to hear the shine in her voice return. She realized she hadn’t really heard it since... when exactly _was_ Kya’s last visit to the city before all of this? She shrugged it off. What mattered was now, anyways. She dropped the bags and hurried over.

The view was _stunning_ , Lin had to admit. Orange colours radiating over a thin cloud, the golden sun looking like something that deserved to be in an art gallery. The reflection on the ocean was remarkable, allowing the sun to glow in more radiant ways. Lin smiled as she took it all in.

“Beautiful,” she whispered. She was too focused on the scene to notice Kya grabbing her hand and looking at her, smiling.

“Yes,” she murmured, her eyes still focused on Lin. “It is.”

Lin finally looked back at her, but quickly glanced away. 

“Do you think we can find her?” Lin asked, softly.

“We have to,” Kya replied with confidence. “Your sister was the first step; you need to at least talk to your mom too.”

“Hopefully _that_ won’t end with a fight,” Lin chuckled.

“Can’t say I’d help you if it came to that,” Kya jokingly admitted. “Even _I_ know not to challenge Toph Beifong.”

“You’ve got a smart head on your shoulders.” Lin smiled, finally turning to her. Kya really glowed against the morning sunrise; Lin was taken a bit aback. 

“First things first, though,” Lin said. “We’re going to the North Pole to visit Annka’s... kids?”

“Hey, I helped raise ‘em, they’re my kids too!” Kya shot back, although not really offended at the remark. 

Lin knew the story now: Kya found herself in the Northern Water Tribe after many years of adventures, found the then-love of her life with a husband and two kids by her hip, and proceeded to have a... rather graphically described affair. That was the gist, anyways.

“Eh, so they probably turned out to be stragglers like you,” Lin said with a shrug.

“No they- wait.”  
“Kya, I was _kidding._ ”  
“Well, Nikkun never stays grounded...”

“Must have gotten that from you,” Lin winked. “And _I guess_ you rubbed off a little on me too, considering i’m taking my first vacation in 25 years with you.”

“I’m honoured.” Kya’s voice reeked of sarcasm. They shared a chuckle, and went back to loading the bison, ready to depart on a new adventure.

So, in the end, police officers in Republic City are... still a bit hostile to hospitals. For a variety of reasons, of course. Victims you try so desperately to save die in your arms there. Friends and colleagues you’ve grown to love and trust are shot broken, shells of the brave people they once were. 

But, officers in the city are indeed learning to handle hospitals better. Viewing them more positively. Learning that the best healing can come from no doctor, no nurse, but a _friend_ , an ear always ready to listen. They’re learning that these bloodied halls can harbor something called _love_ within them, a vast contrast to the darkness they’ve been raised to see.

Rather than police officers in the city, it’s more like Lin Beifong is less hostile to hospitals now. If anything, she loves them, finds a strange home in them she never found before. Because instead of a dark past of visiting parents on the brink of death, hardened memories of therapy failing its use, she finds she can come with _goddamn flowers_ and know there’s one good thing about that cursed place.

So, as she leaned her head on Kya’s shoulder as they departed, Lin figured that flame-headed private-boy and his terribly insistent pestering ended up being pretty alright after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that was fun. 
> 
> Honestly, I was trying to stay subtle with the ME references but then the ending there I just... it was too perfect I had to steal the scene I'm Not Sorry. 
> 
> Thank you for coming along for the ride. This thing has literally been months in the making so I hope you all enjoyed it!


End file.
